Sad News

Hello all and for those of you who have not read the post following this one, it would give some background to do so.

I went to the doctor again today and again there was another ultrasound. We again saw what looked to be an empty sac and a glimpse of a fetal pole, but it did not show a heartbeat. The fetal pole (which normally becomes the fetus) was measuring at 6 1/2 weeks (only 1 week older than 2 weeks ago) and the sac was measuring at 9 1/2 weeks (also only 1 week older than 2 weeks ago). I asked why these things were growing if there was nothing there, and the doctor said it is because the cyst on my ovary (normal, not a bad cyst) was kicking out the hormones as if the pregnancy was normal and didn't know any different. I found out that all women have cysts every cycle that are there to help if the egg is implanted (until a placenta forms), but then they fade away if there is no fertilized egg.

Anyway, he confirmed again that this was not a normal pregnancy and that if I waited too long to miscarry on my own that I could risk getting an infection. He said that for future pregnancies that I have no adverse risk to have this happen again and that I could indeed have a healthy pregnancy in the future, but that chance is lower if I were to get infected from not miscarrying properly.

I admit, I had let myself get a little too hopeful with some stories I read online of women in similar circumstances who then saw a baby at the 10 week ultrasound (which mine should have been today), but unfortunately I did not fall into that category this time. This has been a real roller coaster ride for sure, but I know that God will see me through as He has always been faithful to do. He gives and He takes away, but in all things give glory to God. We have been praying for guidance and clear direction, and it seems the path is very clearly marked now. My prayer now is that between now and the next appointment that perhaps I could start the process naturally and not have to take something. If that does not happen, then I guess I will have to make a choice that I did not want to have to face.

One thing this has certainly done for me is to help me realize what a miracle life really is and how miraculous it was that I have delivered four healthy children, and two of them at once! Sometimes it takes a loss to really show you how blessed you are. I am certain there is a baby who has gone on before me now who will greet me someday when I go to join him/her in heaven. I thank God even now for the twinkle in my eye that this little one has given me.

Thank you all for praying and will continually covet those prayers as these next weeks will still be emotionally hard I am sure.